• nicolewettemann

Your Spirituality Should be Your Superpower




I have noticed a dangerous trend in the spiritual community that I would like to speak to this week. I belong to several spiritual online communities as well as local groups, and in the last few weeks, I have heard the following conversations:


“My neighbor and his wife get into almost daily fights. They seem brutal, and there is a lot of banging and stuff being thrown. I’m scared for her, but I also know we choose our own path in life. I probably shouldn’t call the police, so what can I do to protect my own energy in this?”

Here is some of the advice given to her in the online spiritual community…


- smudge your apartment after their fights

- place crystals in your apartment to protect yourself from their energy

- allow them their experience


Really? Yes, we are spiritual beings that choose our own journey. However, we are also human beings living on an earthly plane. If we go by the logic of we choose our own path, where would it end? Would we aide a victim of crime? Would we provide treatment for illnesses? We can wish people well, we can support their journey, and we can protect our energy. However, we also have to remember that as humans, we must provide support, caring, and love whenever we have the opportunity. Using spirituality as an excuse to become an uninvolved bystander cannot be the answer. As a spiritual being living an earthly existence, it is your responsibility to speak up when injustices are done and to render aid to another human being in need.


Here’s another conversation I overheard:

“My boyfriend just got really triggered by something I said, and his violent reaction really scared me. I know it’s just his pain-body that was agitated, but I’m struggling with how to respond.”

Here was the advice she received:


- feel compassion for his pain, be patient with him

- examine what you said that may have triggered this reaction

- ask yourself how you called this experience into your life


That is not spiritual advice. That is co-dependence disguised as spiritual advice. Here is what you are responsible for: Your thoughts, your words, your actions. Yes, be sure they come from a kind, loving place. Beyond that, somebody else’s reaction to you is none of your business. The kinder you are, the more empathic you are, the clearer your boundaries need to be. Do not use your spirituality to allow others to mistreat you. Your spirituality should be a superpower, not a liability. Compassion for another’s painful reaction is no substitution for good boundaries. If somebody mistreats you, choose to lovingly disengage. It is never okay to be mistreated and allowing it, does not make anyone more spiritual. Compassion and Boundaries are not mutually exclusive.

I think of my spirituality as my armor. It allows me to know in any given moment that I’m a part of the divine. There is a sense of dignity that comes with this knowledge. A dignity that does not allow me to be mistreated and a sense of integrity and honor that guides my daily behavior. Kindness and compassion are the way I express these spiritual gifts in this lifetime, but those gifts need a healthy dose of boundaries.


I think of boundaries, expressed as dignity, integrity, and honor, as my foundation. Compassion, love, and kindness are the house in which I live. I can live in this divine house because of my solid foundation. There was a time that I did not have this solid foundation, and the compassion and kindness for another nearly cost me my life.


If you struggle with balancing your spirituality with a healthy dose of boundaries, please reach out. Life should get better and better as you progress on your spiritual path. It should not weaken your position or make you more vulnerable.

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